Friday, April 1, 2011

Denial

I think I have finally gotten myself back on track. For good this time. :) I have been having a great week. I have gotten the hang of the new Weight Watchers' Points Plus program and I am enjoying it. Last week I thought that 30 points was not enough. Every day last week I went over my points. It seemed so hard. This week is a completely different story. It has been so much easier. I think this picture helped. My cousin took this picture at my Aunt Curley's 75th Birthday party this past weekend. I was shocked at how I looked. I knew that I gained a lot of weight but I guess I was in denial at how it has really made me look. To go from looking like the picture below to this is really hard for me to mentally handle. It took me a good day to not be so upset with myself. I felt like such a failure. I think I am finally past the denial phase. It has taken me over 6 months to gain 20+ pounds back and yet it seemed like it all happened so suddenly. At first it was just 5 pounds. No biggy, right? Then 10. Still no big deal. Then 15 and then 20 and all of the sudden I look like I do in the picture above. It is crazy what a difference 20 pounds can make.

Anyway, I finally came to the point I needed to. Admitting that I messed up and I really do look as bad as I feel. I don't like the way I look in the picture from the party because I can see in my eyes that I lost my confidence and I remember that I didn't feel pretty that night.


I am finally admitting that I did exactly what I said I wouldn't do. I said in the past that I felt so good that I would never go back and that is exactly what I did. I gained some of the weight back. Not just some of my weight but almost half of the weight I lost I have found again. I know this sounds crazy but I feel inside as if I gained it all back. The way I feel now is the way I felt when I weighed 216.6 pounds. I felt like a failure then and I do again now.


I want to get rid of this awful feeling. I want to feel good about myself again and I am ready and willing to do what it takes to make my body healthy again.


I have really been able to stick to my Weight Watchers Points this week. I am still doing Weight Watchers online and I am loving it. I weighed myself earlier this week. I think it was Monday or Tuesday and I weighed 191.8. Yes, that did scare me. Seeing the 190's on the scale again really was an eye opener. This morning I weighed myself and I weighed 188.8. That is a 3 pound loss. More then I have lost in a very long time. I am completely thrilled. It was a perfect Birthday present to myself. Yes, I am an April Fool's baby and I turned 31 years old today. Wow, I feel old. I think once I get some of this extra weight off I will feel much younger.


Here are some pictures of what I have been eating the last few days. I hadn't meant to post them all at once but I didn't have a chance to do it sooner.



Beef Stir-fry - 5 point per 1 1/2 cups


Chocolate Peanut Butter Power Smoothie - 3 points

A wonderful salad that I ate with my stir-fry above - 3 points

Mango Cheesecake Ice made in my Vita Mix - 2 Points


Mango Cheesecake Ice - It's a little green but it was amazing. :)

My fridge is restocked with all of the healthy food that I need.


Weight Watchers Microwave Meal - Turkey Stuffing and Gravy. I added the broccoli to fill me up. I love broccoli. :) The meal was great!

Last nights dinner. Chicken stir-fry - 1 1/2 cups for 5 points. Plus a nice salad for 3 points and amazing cantaloupe (buy on get on free - yummy) for zero points. I ate 3 or four slices.

Another Weight Watchers meal with the green beans added by me. It was very good. I love their Salisbury Steak!

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I have to tell you that this 3 pound loss has me psyched! I haven't been this excited in a long time. It has gotten me motivated to continue. It has helped me realize that I really can do this again.


Let the new journey begin!!!



6 comments:

Kelly said...

That's awesome that you are back on track. It's hard to gain some weight back and admit it to yourself. I joined a Biggest Loser contest at my work and have lost 8 lbs in the last 3 weeks. I am so excited about my jump start back down the scale and I am excited for yours too!

Barb said...

You can do it!! Good job :)

Caron said...

Happy Birthday! I was resistant to the new PointsPlus Program because it seemed so complicated but I soon adjusted and really love it. I'm glad it's working for you and you are doing great! :)

Jessica @ Pudget: Losing Weight On A Budget said...

Thank you everyone! You are all so supportive and I wouldn't be able to do this without all of my readers. :)

Caron, I love the new system too. It just took a little getting used too.

Anonymous said...

If I'm correct, you may have gained 20 pounds, but aren't you still down about 35 from where you started? Celebrate that and be glad you were able to stop without gaining more. You doing a great job!

Jessica @ Pudget: Losing Weight On A Budget said...

Thank your for the sweet words. :) I will try to remember this.
Jess

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