Thursday, June 24, 2010

Still Struggling

I'm still struggling to get my weight back into the 160's. This plateau is a really tough one for me to get past. My body seems to be quite content at this weight. Maybe it is just that I like to eat to much and I don't want to eat any less. :)

I have a feeling that this is all in my head. I need to get myself motivated again to push past this plateau. Sometimes it just seems so easy to just stay here at this weight. I am so much happier with the way I look and feel but then I realize that I don't want to stay at this weight. I want to lose more.

It's going to be super hard to lose the next 20 pounds but I know I can do it. I know the less you way the harder it is to lose and the slower you lose. I am really not looking forward to that. What I do know is that I am determined to do it and I am going to continue to enjoy the journey until I get there.

It is so nice to be happy with myself while I am losing weight. I remember in the beginning of my journey I used to cry because it felt so hard and it felt like I was losing so slowly. I was so unhappy with myself and with the way I looked. Now I am a completely different person. I have confidence. I am comfortable with myself. I like the way I look. I like who I am and most of all I am happy with myself.

Even though your journey may seem slow moving don't give up. It is so worth it in the end. No matter how long it takes. My daughter just reminded me of this today. She was looking at my pictures as they scrolled across my laptop screen. She saw one of me after I had lost 10 pounds. She said to me, "Mommy, why did you cry after Daddy took that picture of you". I can't believe she remembered that day. It was so hard to explain to her what I was feeling back then. Honestly part of me didn't want to remember that day and the way I felt. It almost made me cry thinking about it. I felt so ugly, fat, unhealthy and so many other things. I felt like no one wanted to look at me. That day when I saw the picture my husband had taken I was so devastated. I felt like I had worked so hard to lose those 10 pounds and I couldn't even notice it. I still look the same. I still looked and felt awful. Today when my daughter reminded me of that day I almost cried because it all seems like yesterday that I felt like that. Now I feel great. I feel like a completely new person. I feel healthy and pretty and confident. These are things that I never thought I would ever feel again. Especially after I lost 10 pounds and couldn't notice it.

This is the picture I cried over.

So if you are out there and feel down about your weight loss. Don't give up. Trust me, time flies. A year from now you will be healthier and happier even if today you don't think that is ever possible. Just don't give up on yourself. You deserve to be happy and healthy!


Beth said...

A friend who is a recovered bulimic recommend any of the Geneen Roth books. I have that one I've linked to as well as Why Weight?

I haven't been able to read much of them yet but from what I have I think these books are going to help me get to the root of the problem. I've lost 42 lbs now, am almost back to my lowest weight ever, but I still struggle and am not where I want to be. I could white knuckle it through WW and lose the next ten pounds, even maintain that weight over time, but if I want to lose the 20 after that something has to change.

The reason I point this out is I see myself in a lot of your posts. I know you're serious about this journey and thought I'd share what I've stumbled across.

Anonymous said...

Wow, what an inspiring post! I'm closer to the crying place right now after losing some weight, feeling much better, and gaining it back. It's so inspiring to see someone who has really made a transformation like you have.

Anonymous said...

I just happened on your blog, and saw this. I too, struggle with my weight. However, I found a book while at a second hand store a while back, and it has been very interesting. It's a God centered weight loss approach. It's called "Thin Within" but I don't remember who the authors are at the moment... it's a husband and wife team. :)

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